Monday, March 19, 2007

Replacing negative with positive.

I‘ve just seen ‘the woman’ at the supermarket. I don’t know whether she saw me before, as she was making her way to the checkout. Seeing her knocked me sideways, although I knew the day would come. At first I stared at her with a definite ‘you bitch’ sort of look, and then the nerves got me and I walked up the aisle. Despite having finished my shopping, I wandered up and down the next aisle so she could pay and leave, so I wouldn’t have to see her again. I wasn’t ready for it, my heart was pounding, and I felt completely vulnerable. Why should I feel like this? I haven’t done anything wrong.

I walked out of the shop, with my shoulders back, in a confident manner just in case she was still in the car park. I got back still feeling wobbly, despite telling myself I’m strong, I’m able to not let this bring me down etc. So I decided to do something positive. A couple of weeks ago now, (after Ian had gone) I started calorie counting. Clothes that were loose on me in September were getting really tight on me. As well as being unhappy about my weight gain, it was really the fact I can’t afford to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe in a bigger size, which kick started the diet.

I’ve been spending a few minutes a day working out my calorie count for the day, so that’s what I did. I have been finding it easier as I go along to work out calories, and am getting a good idea of what to avoid. I’ve always been interested in nutrition, and I’m not cutting out any thing I need in my diet. All in all, I’m eating very healthily at the moment. After the first week I lost a lb, and at the end of this week I have lost 2. It’s coming off slowly, which is the best way I think as you have longer to establish a habit of healthy eating.

At this rate, I will be back to my happy size in time for warmer weather. Which seems a long way away; with the weather we’re having at the moment. It’s sooooo cold. Am off to snuggle under duvets.

1 comment:

emapple said...

It must be really difficult living somewhere small where you can't avoid bumping into people.

I did a different but simiar thing recently. I met a woman in a shop in town who I knew I had seen the other day and had blanked me (internal politics but with no real reason). However because she I knew she had blanked me I got really funny and spent ages faffing around the back of the shop because I didn't want to have the embarrassment of her blanking me.

Back in lovely Cornwall on Thursday. Give me a text and we can meet up.

Oh, and good luck with the diet - not that you need it. xx