Sunday, July 29, 2007

Maker Sunshine more like Maker Rain.

Well I suppose with over 20 years of going to festivals it’s pretty good going that I went to my first completely wet weekend festival. It wasn’t looking good on Monday when my friend I was going with pulled out of going. She has lichen sclerosus (LS) see my article about her: http://www.lichensclerosus.org/sitemapandcontents.html. Unfortunately, this year her LS flared up again so with the amount of care it needs it was just not practical for her to come.

Luckily another friend (Alexis) who I hadn’t caught up with for ages was up for it and took the ticket. As I drove over on Thursday morning to pick her up from St Austell, there was torrential rain and floods on the roads. It didn’t bode well. Driving on the site was scary due to the car slipping and sliding on the mud. However as we were setting up the tents it stopped raining and we had a dry evening.

With all the organisation and driving I was absolutely shattered. So we saw a few bands and then I went back to the tent and listened to Babyhead playing on the main stage who were really good (some of their songs reminded me a bit of Chumba Whamba). I was really cold and couldn’t get warm despite having two sleeping bags and being fully dressed with a fleecy on.

As the sun hit the tent, Friday morning, I shed some layers and went back to sleep. Friday it more or less rained all day, we shopped a bit watched a few bands but spent a lot of the time in the tents. I started reading ‘The Dubliners’ by James Joyce, which is a selection of stories about Dubliners in the 1920’s (I think). By 8.30 I was ready to party and went down to see the 3daft monkeys (http://www.myspace.com/3daftmonkeys). As I walked in I saw some friends I hadn’t seen since beautiful days last year. Beautiful people I wish I saw more of. We all went onto see Obedient bone (www.myspace.com/obedientbone) who were absolutely brilliant. They were on at the 2nd stage and there was a lot more room to dance. We then went onto the bunkers, where the party happens after the bands, and danced to some rather un-banging dance music.

After a dance we sat in the cafĂ© and apparently I was being chatted up but didn’t realise it. I had drunk lots of Gin and Tonic, and as I went to go somewhere (can’t remember where) I said to the bloke “you can keep chatting my friend up I’m just going ……..”(still can’t remember where). Anyway she told me in the morning it was me he was chatting up, which is very flattering as he was probably late twenties and I’m forty one.

Saturday was the same, dry for a bit in the morning until the rain set in for the day. We stayed down in the main area for a few hours and I caught up with some other good friends I hadn’t seen for ages. I have a fair few beautiful friends living near Callington and near Lostwithiel, and while I’ve been doing my course, I’ve not gone to any get togethers as they are normally full on party’s you need a couple of days to get over, and I’ve needed to stay focused. Hence this year it was so lovely to catch up with them again.

Then as the rain started and got worse we headed for the tent and stayed there till the evening. Whenever we went down to the main area the mud had got worse, and it was difficult to walk without falling over even if you were completely sober/straight, which lets face it not too many people are at a festival. However we did manage a bit of shopping again, the stalls there were filled with delights. I was very good, I didn’t spend too much. I brought a couple of gifts for my friends who lent us an extra tent, I brought Ian a bangle, I got Rachel (Megs friend whose birthday it was and was at the festival with us) a bracelet and I also got a voodoo doll t-shirt for a fiver.

The only thing I was really looking for was a crystal pendant and I had looked at a lovely amethyst pendant on Friday. It was £15 but as we approached the stall again Alexis said she would pay half as a thank you for inviting her to the festival and the driving. So I got it.

At about nine Megs started feeling sick and tucked herself up in the car. She had two friends with her who wandered off and kept coming back to check up on her. I sat in the car with her and we had a really good chat. The clock in the car was wrong, as I said I would stay until Alabama3 started playing, and we were still chatting away when I heard “Put you hands together for Alabama3”. I got down there before they finished their first song.

I was a little bit disappointed they were not as energetic as they normally are. In fact I’d go as far as saying they were laid back and more suitable for an early evening or early morning slot. But I still enjoyed their set. It was fancy dress night and I had made an outfit, which I wore. I was a tree. I had sewn and drawn leaves onto a little green dress, and a hat. Only about 5% of the people dressed up but the people who made an effort really did make an effort. There were some amazing outfits to see, including aliens, the mask, the clangers, ladybirds, and lots of fairies.

Sunday morning as my friends woke up early, who had come over for the Saturday, so did I. I managed to get 3tents taken down and packed up by 10.30. They were taking a load of my stuff back for me so I could fit Alexis and three fourteen year olds in my car. Although the sun had come out I’ve normally had enough by the Sunday, and we left about twelve. I had been so panicky about driving over the mud, and a friend drove the car until the hard standing for me, for which I was so grateful, I still hyperventilated as we were driving through it.

Despite the rain, it was a great weekend I saw lovely people who are close to my heart, saw some good bands, chilled when I wanted to and partied when I wanted to.

While I’ve been writing this post I’ve been listening to Feist http://www.listentofeist.com/ Check them out.

Monday, July 23, 2007

The power of now.

With how I’ve been feeling the past week, I knew I had to do something about it, so I picked up The Power of now by Eckhart Tolle, which I’ve been meaning to read for ages.

The first chapter deals with learning to dis-identify with the mind. Enlightenment Tolle says is a state of wholeness, of being at one and at peace, and identifying with our thoughts can prevent enlightenment and make us feel separate from the world.

Thinking too much can be destructive. Thoughts are often concerned with the past and the future which is not helpful in the now, and creates a distorted view of the present. For example we may rehearse future situations and imagine negative outcomes (this is something I do a lot), or we may judge the present through the eyes of the past. Tolle says:

“Many people live with a tormentor in their head which continuously attacks and punishes them and drains them of vital energy.”

He suggests we try ‘watching the thinker’. By listening to our thoughts and recognizing repetitive patterns, we become a witness to our thoughts as an impartial person and no longer identify with them.

As some people become just as caught up in their emotions as much as their thoughts Tolle suggests we watch our emotions in the same way. Tolle puts forward that emotions are our body’s reaction to our mind. For example anger can be a reaction to an overactive mind. By watching our emotions in the same way as we watch our thoughts Tolle says:

“You can allow the emotion to be there without being controlled by it. You no longer are the emotion, you are the watcher, the observing presence.”

Last night I started watching my thoughts, and felt myself disassociating myself with them. It does work, at that moment my thoughts were no longer me, and as a result did not affect my emotions and mood. Its a simple exercise, which can have a dramatic affect. I have woken up today less fearful of the world and feeling more positive, although I still have a long way to go.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Hey, but then I wouldn't be me.

I had a lovely day yesterday at the Literary festival, as well as catching some great talks I also found myself some new shoes, and bumped into some friends I hadn’t seen in ages. I had a phone call from Tamsin as she had found Yael (my sister in law) on Facebook. So in the evening I found her as well, and today was able to look at photo’s of her new baby girl, Jamie. It’s all good but I still feel like I’m going down. I feel very tearful, but can’t understand why, I had such a positive day yesterday, and I’ve got my first festival coming up next weekend.

I’m not excited about going to Maker at all, I just see it as a chore, and I have no motivation to start getting ready for it. It seems whenever I have a good day and feel happy I pay for it the next day and experience an awful low. I don’t want to go down, there’s no reason why I should be. What I would give to experience ups and downs, which are not so extreme and debilitating. Hey, but then I wouldn’t be me.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Waiting for tomorrow.

I’m not really in a good place, it’s been creeping up on me for a few days. Today I’m just waiting for tomorrow, when I’m off to Port Eliot Literary festival, (Port Eliot LitFest) to meet interesting people. Life is ok, I have some interesting writing projects in the pipeline, I have festivals coming up, and I’ve been meeting up with good friends.

I just don’t feel inspired, or motivated, I just feel flat. Maybe it’s the thought of camping in the rain, or not believing I have the confidence to make it as a writer even though I know I can write, or the pending eviction notice when the landlords sell my flat.

Whatever it is I’m hoping tomorrow will bring back a smile inside.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I've entered the digital world!

It’s definitely been a week of ups and downs. Over the weekend my friend Ian, who was staying with me, got a phone call from London, as his son had a serious accident. I won’t go into details, as it’s not my place, but he’s already had two operations, and they are unsure about whether they can fix one of his legs. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions for Ian this weekend. He has been through this before as many years ago his brother was stabbed, and ended up in a wheelchair. I felt completely useless as all I could do was be there for him. He’s now gone back up to London to be with his family.

Work wise many opportunities have opened up this week. I’ve been asked through chatting on ‘my space’ to write an article on Gypsy Love who is a burlesque performer. I’ve been researching the history of burlesque, which is more about the tease than the strip, and it’s going to be a very interesting article to write. I’m also off to Port Elliot Literary festival this weekend, to help my friend Teresa with her media project. She’s creating a promotional website for them, and I am there to interview some of the performers. I hope it’s sunny.

On Monday after Ian had gone, I acted on impulse, and decided to take the plunge into the digital world. I brought a top box! I had been holding back as I don’t know whether I am right, but I believed if enough people can’t get digital they won’t be able to do the switchover. However the temptation of Film4 got me in the end. I was talking to a friend about it yesterday and she said Cornwall is one of the first areas to go digital, which seems mad to me, as coverage here is so crap. In Looe for example, they can’t even get Sky let alone Freeview. In Lostwithiel my friend had to get Sky just to get the 4main channels. Why use an area with such terrible television reception, and where many people can’t even use any of the digital options, as a pilot area?

Anyway I am now ready for the switchover, and I’ve been enjoying watching Friends every night. In the 21 years with my ex husband I hardly ever watched Friends, as he didn’t like it and we watched something else together. The past two years I’ve been catching up with it, and the beauty of not watching it for so long is I still catch episodes I’ve never seen before.

Its not going to change my life, I don’t like to watch too much television anyway. Apart from having the opportunity to watch a film if I want to, its more for Megs than for me and she is thrilled, especially as she can now watch ‘first look’ Hollyoaks.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

As per usual I've had a fairly hectic week.

I thought I’d been keeping up with my blog, but have just realised it’s been a week since my last posting. As per usual I’ve had a fairly hectic week. My ex husband came down to visit for a week, straight from a year out in India and Australia. He came back last Tuesday, when unluckily for him there was a suspect package at Heathrow, and they closed the airport. They weren’t allowed off the plane for four hours after they landed, so I ended up picking him up at the train station at midnight.

It was an ok week, although I didn’t get much writing done. He went back to Gloucestershire on Monday. While he was here, on Saturday I went to a party. It was the type of party that you need to take at least two days out of your life for. I had not gone to other party’s with the same people, over the year at Uni, as I knew I couldn’t afford the time and the lack of focus for often a week afterwards. It was great, there were two dance areas, wicked music, a bar, and I caught up with lovely people I hadn’t seen since the festival and party season pre-course. I danced till six in the morning and it was great to go out when it was dark and still be partying hours after it got light.

Today I had an email from Fabia from the National Lichen Sclerosus (LS) support group and my article about my friend Dunya who has LS has gone up on their website. http://www.lichensclerosus.org/sitemapandcontents.html She’s even put a link to my website, which has made me realise I need to work on my website and post some more recent work on there.

Anyway it’s late and I have a fun filled day shopping with my daughters in Truro tomorrow. Ta Ta for now.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Ten steps to living with Authenticity

When I was doing my massive clear up last week, I came across 'ten steps to living with authenticity' which a friend had given me. She has no idea who wrote these, or where they came from, but I had them up on my wall for a couple of years until the paper got so dog-earred I took them down. I have now typed them up again so I can put them back up on my wall and I thought it would be good to share them.
Comments gratefully received, especially if anyone knows who wrote these wise words.
Ten steps to living with authenticity


1. Distinguish between the important stuff and the pettiness that can slow you down, take away your focus, and sabotage your success. Strive to be the very best you can be, but cut yourself some slack and do the same for those you love. Save the drama for the stage.

2. Discover your passion! The Universe has a plan for your life that is so much greater you could imagine or devise. Listen to your gut instincts and follow your inner voice.

3. Relinquish the need for approval. Believe in yourself – you are entitled to dress, walk and talk anyway you choose, regardless of anyone else’s opinion. Confidence comes from within, so remember: Fake it until you make it.

4. Be accountable for everything you say and do. Face your truest fears and refuse to burden someone else with your issues.

5. Set strong, but loving boundaries. If someone’s continually trying to hurt you, control you, or disrespect you, they have issues and you don’t need to own their ‘garbage’.

6. Release the desire to control the outcome. Change the things you can and accept the things you can’t.

7. Practise forgiveness. We’re all human and we all mistakes so choose to let go of resentment and shame. Love with an open and compassionate heart.

8. Demand your worth, while refusing to manipulate others for your own personal gain. Speak with truth, refrain from gossip and maintain your integrity.

9. Have faith in a Higher Power. No matter how difficult life may seem every experience is a lesson for growth, so seize the day and make the choice to move forward.

10. Know who you are and what you want for your life. Realise that you alone are enough. You are worthy of all that life has to offer and live fearlessly.