Another sleepless night

Early Monday morning (about 330)  G was discharged from hospital. He rang me at 4am but we had no petrol in the car & no 24 hour garages near enough so he got a taxi cutting £60 which was almost all we had left till payday. I had only had a few hours sleep so I took the morning off work. 

G got a few hours sleep & then started drinking. He was drunk when I finished work & carried on & then about 930 it happened again & this time, it looked like he lost consciousness, his tongue fell out, there was no response from him & when he did come to he could not speak. I called the ambulance at 945pm & the ambulance arrived at 5am. In the hours we waited his speech came back & then it happened again & his tongue fell out again. He had paralysis & no feeling in his left side (arm & leg) for the longest time so far. About 1130 he did go sleep & I stayed awake to watch him. I was worried if his mouth went while sleeping he would choke. 

About 1 the ambulance service telephoned to see how he was doing. I tried to stay awake waiting after that but eventually probably about 230 I fell asleep.

The ambulance came at 5 & when they arrived G had got all feeling back &  was adamant he was not going to go to hospital, which they understood as the  it was likely the hospital will do tests & discharge him as nothing  is currently happening. They were really good. They explained  a TIA is temporary lack of oxygen & then oxygen comes back. They gave him aspirin  to take one a day & he has to ring doctors & get  an appointment for TIA clinic. They were better than the hospital had been.

I tried to go back to sleep but could not so I've now got up. I can start work early & hopefully be able to finish early & have a nap. 

Also hopefully this time he will cut back again, & keep consumption low & Get help. How many warning signs does he need.

The warning sign was ignored.

So after having a big scare G then had 4 days of being really ill with pancreatitis. He could hardly move he was so ill. He took it easy on the cider limiting himself to 6 a day. Tuesday he started to feel better & on Thursday he upped his intake & then Friday he started a binge. So I was wrong to be  hopeful he may take notice of warning signs. It's been a horrible weekend. He was  so drunk when I woke up after a lie in till about 11 on Saturday morning & all day he was totally off the wall hyper I was on high alert & had high anxiety. I let him sleep whenever he dropped off as it was the only time I got some peace and I knew he would get a break from drinking. Whenever I challenged his drinking I was subjected to anger & aggression (not physical just verbal). Today he was taking it easy until after our roast dinner when he drank a pint of cider quickly to wake up & then he kept going. About 10 tonight he fell over in the bathroom & lost feeling in his left side again. I must say I cannot fault the ambulance service at all. They arrived 10 minutes after we called them & they have taken him to hospital. I had some gin left from the weekend  & I discovered after he was taken away he had swigged back over half of what I had  left on top of the cider. 

Yesterday, one time when I challenged him I said I can't do this anymore and we both agreed it was over,  however he said if we spilt up he was going nowhere he has been with me for over 10 years and I cannot kick him out. He will stay in the spare room. Then 10 minutes later he's saying he loves me & we will never split up: like he hasn't just verbally abused me telling me I'm a total uncaring bitch, I'm fat and ugly, and if he leaves me he will find himself staying with a young  beautiful 30 year old in a couple of weeks. I just don't know what to do.

Another warning sign Hopefully not to be ignored

I've been on holiday this week & it's not been a good one. The first few days G was on a binge. Tuesday night he shouted at me for an hour after I asked him not to overact & ignore our dog because he followed me around instead of him. It's really nothing that causes him to get angry when he's been

drinking & then a little later he stood up & fell over (often first symptom of pancreatitis) then he was sick quickly followed by him losing feeling & control over his left arm (it looked dead) & then his left leg. He could not move them at all, not even his fingers or his toes. We called an ambulance just after 8.

A community responder came at 9. About 10 feeling came back. He called base & a medical practitioner felt even though feelings come back G could still not walk & put weight on his left leg so they would still need to send an ambulance. The community responder left at 11. I was amazed to  hear he was a volunteer. What a star. The ambulance arrived at 1230 ish & took him to hospital at 130. At 450 G rang me to say they had discharged him. He told me he had a C T scan & it was clear. 

I picked him up & we got back & he carried on drinking. Although he did not drink too much he was topping up & still seemed very drunk &  in the afternoon he lost feeling & use of his left arm and leg again. He was on the phone to the doctors at the time,  & they said to call 999  right away. Another ambulance came & they took him straight into the back of the ambulance. In 20 minutes he had a massive row with the paramedic who said he was lying about being discharged. G said he was confrontational & argumentative & he was not going to go in the ambulance with him. I must admit when he first came in he stopped me  right away when I tried to say something, & in retrospect I did feel in the few moments I was in his company,  he may have been a bit of a control freak. I don't think G was wrong about him. 

G fell out of the ambulance as did not have feeling in his left leg & they did not try to help him up: I did. He came back in. I was ready to drive him to hospital myself but he started getting feeling back & was adamant he did not want to go to hospital. Still fairly drunk he wanted me to drive to get him more cider. I said no I would go & get some after he had a sleep. He went to put his shoes  on to walk to the shop & I broke down & pleaded with him in tears to go to bed & I would go & get supplies after he woke up. I was an emotional mess & he did as I asked & went upstairs to bed. Phew.

He should have gone to hospital. He should not have been discharged Wednesday early hours (I am still not sure if he was).

Thursday he took it slower on the ciders. He did not get pissed but still had 9 ciders. Friday he's really ill with typical symptoms of pancreatitis: stomach pains feeling sick. Today he had had a bad night & in the day could not eat much,  & could not move much. He took painkillers due to stomach pains which only eased them a little bit. He only drank 5 ciders today & 2 of those  he drank in the daytime  to just stop the shakes. He has been very poorly all day.

This happens regularly: serious  illness  when he has pains & just needs to stay still,  but it seems he has still taken more notice of this,  than what he experienced in the week  which I feel was a bigger warning sign. The hospital reckoned it was a TIA & it looks like it happened again the next day. 

He will now take it really easy for a week or 2 because of how ill he felt yesterday & today & maybe not so much because of what happened Tuesday & Wednesday, which I feel was a lot scarier & a bigger warning sign. I'm always hopeful that after starting to be careful it will continue but in my experience as he starts to feel better the alcohol intake increases and then he binges again. I really hope I can report back on here that he doesn't slip back this time but I'm not confident.

A few steps forward & a few back

I knew I hadn't posted for a while but did not know it had been so long. In June I had a couple of horrible weekends on high alert waiting & hoping for G to sleep to give me & him a break from his drinking & then he got ill again & for a couple of weeks (longer than other times) he was being really careful & limiting the number of ciders he would drink in a day. Evenings were pleasant. We actually watched dramas together without pausing it every minute or 2 & taking  up to 3 hours to watch an hour programme. Although I don't mind pausing & chatting I hate it when a drama is bitty.  

He did say he rang the doctors about getting help with trying to cut back on drinking & he told me they are making a referral but I'm not sure if he did as I've not heard anymore about this. Generally he is still aware & trying to cut back but the numbers of drinks in a day has risen again. He is not getting as pissed as much, but he is having some days nights where he is still. Friday for example was a pretty horrible night where G got drunk, & I was totally exhausted after my working week & just wanted to chill & watch something & he got angry with me & shouted at me for a good hour because I'm boring. I'm like a 95 year old woman not 57. I am however 57 and do not have the energy I had when we first met. 

Tonight  as I am on holiday this week G had bought some Pimms and we were watching Wimbledom. He had Pimms as well, & topping up his daytime cider & drinking it quickly he has got really quite drunk. However the good thing is he didn't get angry & took himself to bed when the TV got blurry. We have talked about if he got help & managed to stop drinking I would stop as well & I will, but for now I drink a lot slower. I mostly pace myself, set myself a limit & go to bed when I've had that limit. I do have a bit too much occasionally but I can count the number of times I have got a bit drunk myself this year on less than  2 hands. 

There has been progress & less blips recently. It has however been a dedicated forward & then a few back.