Dreams

One thing I did not update you on since my Hope post was that G rang me in the middle of the night in hospital to say he had been kidnapped & put in a mental health ward. He asked me to call the police. He was moved on the middle of the night  which should not happened. The next day he told me he could be discharged after he had a scan. He told me he had the scan so I picked him up. That night he told me he stayed in the corridor  all night because he saw rats running across the floor & he did not know where he  was. He thought he was in a care home & he was a member of staff. The night he  wanted me to call the police I spoke to the doctor on the ward who said he thought G was having symptoms of detox  After I picked him up he said he saw a rat running across our bedroom floor, & then admitted to me the doctor had  spoken to him & expressed his  concern G war suffering alcohol withdrawal & was hallucinating & should not leave.  G left & drank a very few ciders  ( which stopped withdrawal symptoms) but did not solve the problem  

High alert

There are many times I should post & I don't. A week or so ago I had a really horrible night of G's extreme anger. I could tell you the date if you looked in my diary. G spent about an hour & a half shouting at me really nasty stuff. I'm the biggest bitch in the world, nastiest person ever  etc. I'm not. I know that & I don't need to go into why I'm not in this post. Up until G started to realise his drinking was affecting his health I hated weekends.  I was on high alert, high anxiety all the time after a week working. Even when working I've had days when G has been so pissed when I'm working  I've been so worried about background noise if I've been in a meeting or on a call with my manager. 

Anyway that's not the reason I am posting tonight. The main reason I am posting tonight is now we have a dog & tonight Tiger (who is 8  we've have only had him 6 months) has been on high alert. I've had years to get to know G but Tiger hasn't & when G's drunk & hyper now it's not just affecting me: it's affecting Tiger & I spent a lot of time tonight cuddling him & trying to stop him from shaking & panting & this happens a lot since we had him. 

G wanted a dog (as did I) but G gets annoyed with him when he's not as affectionate with him (because he's nervous & scared) & he is horrible to Tiger. I can cope with him being horrible to me but a dog doesn't  understand. I knew what G was like,  but I really did  not think he would be that way with a dog. I thought a dog would calm him & not be another reason for his extreme anger. I feel so guilty I've  put a dog into this situation & I'm worried the high stress Tiger is experiencing will shorten his life. He is such a gorgeous dog & does not deserve to have to deal with such a selfish bastard. (I was trying to think of the words  to descr ibe G &  when he is not drinking too much he's anything but,however  when he's drinking  I think  got the description right)