We give the little word 'stress' too much power

I have had a fun filled weekend, involving much fun and alcohol as my brother came down to Cornwall to celebrate his 40th birthday. I was so pleased he chose to come down here to share the celebrations with his family. It was an honour. However when Monday came as I hadn’t done any household chores or writing at the weekend, there seemed to be so much to do, and not enough time slots to do it all in. I wondered how I was going to manage to fit every thing in, even though some of what I was trying to fit it was fun stuff, such as a visit from a friend and going to the cinema. One of my main worries was that I wouldn’t find any time to research and write an article to post on Wednesday. Monday morning I felt very overwhelmed, and started to feel panicked, my body tensed up, I rushed around but didn’t get anything done any quicker, and I was even hyperventilating. Then I thought to myself this is silly, if I can’t do everything this week, Is it life threatening? Is it really important in the big scheme of things? I was feeling stressed about doing fun things which took the fun out of them completely? I was allowing myself to be stressed, and knew I had to do something about it or I wouldn’t manage the week.

I think sometimes we use the word ‘stress’ as a cop out. We give this little word too much power. By saying we are stressed we are using an excuse, placing the blame on something/one else for the way we are feeling, and then we make ourselves the victim. However playing the victim doesn’t help us feel any better; by concentrating on negatives we are just creating more negativity. Stress could be considered to be a fearful reaction to life’s constant changes.

The only life I have control over is mine and only I control my life. So I decided to take control, examine what I was fearful of, and examine what I could do to release the fear. I realised that I would let my mind race onto all the tasks ahead of me which was using energy I didn’t have to spare, instead of concentrating in the here and now. Concentrating and doing one thing at a time, and not letting my mind race ahead of me, was enough to make me feel so much calmer. I also had a CD with one minute meditations which I was able to do (after all if I couldn’t spare one minute I really was in trouble). By taking the time to think through, examine why I was panicking, and being proactive in making changes to ensure I felt calmer and capable, my week ended up flowing quite nicely. Everything fell into place, and I even ended up with spare time, and was able to find time to do enough research and writing to produce an article I was happy with.

Positive Affirmations

A friend sent me some positive affirmations the other day, which I really like, and thought it would be nice to share them with all you lovely people, but first I want to share my thoughts on affirmations. As part of my continued empowerment, alongside listening to the Carolyn Myss Self esteem CDs, and practising meditation I have also got into the habit of doing positive affirmations.

I was reading Louise Hay ‘You can heal your life’ the other day and she mentions how many of us may have got stuck in the habit of saying negative affirmations to ourselves, such ‘I can’t do that’, ‘They won’t like me’ I don’t deserve this’ etc. She suggests saying affirmations don’t work is an affirmation in itself. Louise also makes a connection between dis-ease, ill health, and negative thinking, and while I do agree, that a positive mental attitude can help with your physical health as well as your mental health, I must admit I do not agree with Louise’s theories that cancer and other illnesses can be caused by negative thinking, and you can cure yourself by doing positive affirmations. I feel that maybe these rather extreme beliefs may contribute towards people seeing people who practice positive affirmations as kooky, weird, airy fairy etc.

However, I am finding practising positive affirmations, a very useful practise in the process of reprogramming my thought patterns. It just seems to make sense to me; as constantly talking negatively to ourselves is bound to contribute to feeling low, so therefore learning to talk positively to ourselves is quite likely to contribute to us feeling happier. I realised that I had been stuck in negative ways of thinking such as: placing unrealistically high expectations on myself and self bullying for most of my life. Since doing positive affirmations it is actually changing the way I think. The only way to explain this is to give an example. I mentally say affirmations to myself while swimming (often for about an hour), and the affirmations I say include: ‘I open the door to my heart inwards with love. As I forgive myself it becomes easier to be able to forgive others. I allow myself to make mistakes, and realise any mistakes I make are opportunities to learn something new. Every experience has something to teach me’. When I made a mistake in the past I would beat myself up, tell myself I am weak, unworthy, a person who can’t cope like other people can, whereas now when I do see mistakes as an opportunity to learn something which can now help me move forward and become stronger.

So whether you think affirmations kooky or recognise the benefit of saying them here are the affirmations I wanted to share with you:

I notice the beauty of nature and feel blessed to be part of it.


I accept change and welcome new beginnings.


Where I am is where I am meant to be.


I have everything I need because of this I am filled with contentment and peace.


The past is my history, the future is my unknown, I choose to live in the present.


My entire being radiates love and joy to the world around me.


I remember the past, learn from it, then release it. I love who I am.


My home is filled with joy, love laughter, understanding and serenity.


The only life I have control over is mine and only I control my life.

A few words

A couple of weeks ago I said to myself I would start writing regularly again in this blog, even if I just write a few words.

So here are a few words describing my weekend:

SALSA CHARITY SHOPS DRIVING FUN FRIENDS
WINE SEA BEAUTIFUL SUNSET WALKING FAMILY
FOOD SUN WRITING RAIN DANCE TIRING

The things I do before a full moon

When a full moon is coming up I do things like:

• Become ultra sensitive, completely emotional, and obsessive. In the days coming up to a full moon I can obsess, count and have to account for every single pair of my socks for example.
• Panic and run out of the swimming pool dripping wet, still in my costume and hat, to make an ‘URGENT’ phone call to my daughter about a missed dentist appointment.
• Spend the next half an hour crying uncontrollably and thinking I’ll never be able to go to the swimming pool again.
• Sit on a bench two metres away from a sheer drop and hold on to the bench for safety.
• And in complete contrast have a sudden urge to run forward two metres (almost as if I can feel the pull of the moon).
• Find the beginning of the film ‘The boat that rocked’ emotionally overwhelming, and the tears flow within the first minute. It’s a comedy!!!
• Want to walk out of town and just keep walking.
• Want to listen to emotional tortured music as loud as I possibly can.

However I do all these things and I know it will pass when the moon is full.

As Aldous Huxley said:


“We cannot reason ourselves out of our basic irrationality, All we can do is learn the art of being irrational in a reasonable way”

(from Island 1962 pg201)

The battle between the heart and the head

I am sure many people reading this can identify with the battle we sometimes go through, about whether to listen to our hearts or our heads. This paragraph from Carolyn Myss’s book ‘Sacred Contracts’ seems to be very insightful of what actually goes on (for me anyway):

“We frequently don’t know why we do the things we do, or why we have to cope with inexplicable fears. This leads to painful conflict when we feel one way and act another, separating mind and heart.
Living with mind and heart divided is like having two battle encampments within, each one fighting for authority over our power of choice. When isolated from each other the heart and mind are each handicapped; the mind tends to be become hyperrational, and the heart, overly emotional. This imbalance of forces fragments our power. And like a nation in which opposing forces are constantly at war with each other, when our nature os fragmented, it is vulnerable to being dominated by fear. As Jesus said, ‘If a kingdom is divided against itself, it cannot stand’ (Mark 3:24).”

Update on Life

Hey I can’t quite believe how long its been since my last blog posting (although I have kept up with my ‘Jax writers spot’ blog). So here goes with a brief summary and update of my life:

It was the first Christmas without my Dad, so I went to my Mums to cook Christmas dinner, and it was a really lovely day. Spending time with family is after all what I believe Christmas is about. An added bonus was that as I was driving, I didn’t end up feeling rough by the evening which I do when I stay at home and have the first glass of wine while I am cooking. We (all my daughters and I) also still went to my Mums for the traditional cold meat and salad Boxing Day lunch. All in all not only did I really enjoy our couple of family days, but my Mum enjoyed herself too, which is all I really wanted.

My bestest Christmas pressie was a MP3 player. I still need a little help when it comes to putting music on it, but I love it. To supplement the swimming I now also go on a long walk (or should I say stomp) every week, listening to some of the 20plus odd CD’s I have stored on this oh sooo tiny device.

I am still swimming a couple of times a week. As I’m not doing the sponsored swim at first I found it little more difficult to motivate myself, especially as after new year the pool got really busy for a while, and I really don’t like having to dodge people and being continually splashed in the face, but as the new years resolutions were abandoned the pool got quieter again, I seem to have settled into a routine and generally swim a mile and a half a week.

I have decided not to hide aspects of myself on this blog (after questioning whether admitting a history of mental health may affect work prospects). So after feeling brighter and happier than I have felt for many years, I am now ready for and looking at returning to Advice and information work (while still continuing with writing), and may have some work lined up to start in June (when the funding is available). I am taking it step by step.

Probably the biggest news this week is I am going to be in a book, it is a local small paperback book, published by the mental health team, that can be picked up for free in doctor surgeries etc, but never the less it is a book. I am going to the book launch on Friday, at a conference at the Eden project. After lots of thought I am going to share my piece with you as it is also probably the best update of the changes in my life:

Changing my perception of panic
For many years negativity, fear, and anxiety have been a big part of my life. Last year I had a feeling it would be a good year, however it was a year of disasters starting off with the unexpected death of my father, and shortly after that I experienced a traumatic assault. My anxiety went off the wall, and I was experiencing a lot of panic. I recognise that that mental health is often misunderstood, and I felt that people seeing me in a state of anxiety when I was out and about, may think I was just overreacting, and I should pull myself together. I internalised these imagined perceptions, beat myself up for not ‘having control’, and I ended up hardly going out of my front door.

Apparently ‘Disaster’ means from the stars, indicating a long held belief that bad things happen for reasons known only by the heavens. I can’t pinpoint when, but one day I realised that only I could turn myself around. Experiencing such trauma actually kick started a journey of transformation; It was not an easy journey, I started listening to some self help CDs on self esteem, which made me step back, look at my life, and discover (not always good) aspects of myself. By recognising these aspects, they were easier to deal with and I was less likely to beat myself up for my perceived weaknesses. The CDs helped me value my own opinion, instead of placing so much importance on what other people thought about me. The only person’s approval I need is my own. By listening to the CDs every day I was basically reprogramming and changing my thought patterns. I also started meditation; at first I was terrible at it, but it got easier, and I found the deep relaxation very beneficial in reducing anxiety.

After many months of ‘self work’, I found I was not only able to go into town shopping, I was also able to go in with a smile on my face, a smile which was there not as a mask but because I felt good. I do still feel fear take over me, and get caught up in negativity; however I am now gentler on myself. I recognize anxiety is a part of me, I accept it, I don’t beat myself up about it, and I am able to bounce back quicker. After many years of being completely overwhelmed by any stresses, a cluster of disasters has actually enabled me to feel more positive than I have done for around 8 years. Maybe it was a good year after all.