Not allowed to chill

So this week has been the busiest week at work & I was looking forward to the weekend, but so far it's been one of the most horrible weekends for a while. 

During the week went G was poorly on Monday (pancreatitis symptoms) so he took it easy on Monday, Felt better on Tuesday so took it easy again & then Wednesday forgot all about feeling so ill & the consumption of cider went up. Friday after I finished, absolutely shattered, G said I'm going to get pissed tonight & he did. It went downhill from there. Both mornings G has woken & drunk cider right away. This morning I got up at 845 & he was already drunk. He was slurring at 10 & then starting going faint & falling. Once in the bathroom & then in the kitchen. I don't have a high tolerance when he gets this pissed all weekend. I'm in a constant high anxiety state & just wish he would fall asleep so I get some peace & he does not drink for a while.

I have the right to have a cpichilled weekend after a busy week cornerat work. I have the right not to be a complete nervous wreck all weekend. I have the right not to have to listen to drunken waffle all day long repeating the same things over& over again. I have the right to some peace. Even  if as he says he a happy drunk if I say any of these things I then get not so happy & angry G. I spent all day yesterday trying to hide my anxiety & jumpiness. Today I didn't hide it so well and I 'm a drama queen & overreacting. I am getting a bit of peace now as he has fallen asleep. I'm just hoping he's asleep for enough time to sober up a bit & then he takes it easy on the cider later. It's been a shitty weekend. 

Ups and downs

It's been a bit of a rocky road since my last post. One thing I've realised is It's no good writing a blog about living with an alcoholic if I don't post at least once a week as it doesn't capture the whole story.

There are days  when G calms his drinking & I think ok maybe this is going to be a permanent change, but it has not turned out that way so far. A couple of weeks ago after G having a binge 3 or 4 days, he was really ill. It scared him &he cut down for almost 2 weeks. It was so bad I thought he would have to go to hospital again. He cut down so much one day he saw trails from his hands moving. He cannot stop completely or he will start hallucinating. I could not manage him coming off at home due to hallucinations etc. & we discussed this & I said maybe he needs to go into hospital or somewhere for a proper detox. He said he would cut it down slowly & do it himself. I felt hopeful. 

He was drinking tea in the daytime & just having 5 ciders a day at that point but then it went up to 6 & then 7 & yesterday he had 12 & last night he was so pissed I was on high alert & Tiger was really nervous. Today has been really shitty. He could not drink tea & topped up the alcohol from last night after his first drink. I woke feeling poorly with a head cold & instead of being able to rest I have been on high alert all day. Tiger has been really nervous & scared of G who has been irratic, unpredictable, & had fits of anger if I am jumpy about his behaviour, or tried to say why our Dog is nervous. He kept saying he was not at all pissed. 

Come the evening & he was having blackouts & falling over when he stood up & then saying what's that all about?! It happens a lot when binging gets too much. His Pancreas just  cannot cope. All day I was wishing he would fall asleep to give himself a break from drinking but he didnt. He started on my gin. Not good. When I heard a massive few bangs when he went to  the toilet I went in and he has fallen in the bath. He looked stuck but I managed to get him out & insist he went up to bed which thank goodness he did.

Since I posted last it's been lots of up and downs.  We have many days when he is careful & evenings are calm & I am hopeful. 

I don't always get a chance to post on here as when I finish work we are together & I would not be able to write a post without him noticing. However for a proper diary I need to post more, so I aim to post at least weekly & I 'm going to be able to do so as I will post in my lunch breaks from work when I'm up in my office (the spare room) When I'm working he does not ask me to account for everything I do.