Friday, July 31, 2009

When words fail Music speaks

Whenever someone asks me to pick my favourite songs I find I may pick different tunes, and my list may change from time to time. However there may be a few tunes that seem to have been on your list for many years. These are the few I think about immediately when thinking of my favourite songs:

Dub be good to me Beats International (it was a cover But this is my favourite)

Say a little prayer Aretha Franklin

Back to life Soul to Soul

Shoulda woulda coulda Beverly Knight

Perfect Fairground Attraction

Blue Joni Mitchell

Ain’t nobody Chaka Khan

Rome wasn’t built in a day Moorcheeba

One love Bob Marley

Univited Alanis Morrisette

Silver screen shower scene Felix Da Housecat

Start wearing purple Gogol Bordello (What can I say I love purple)

Littlest birds Be good Tanya’s

The list could go on and on and on. If anyone reads this, comment with some of your favourite songs.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I am me Take me or leave me

It has taken many years to say this and mean this: I am an individual, I don’t want to, and don’t think I do, conform to stereotypes, I like being a bit different.
Yet in darker times being different was very much part of the problem. Worrying about how people perceived me was one negative pattern of thinking I now recognise as being a big contributor to my depression. Living with anxiety means I have been living within another contradiction. A contradiction, such as doing a Community work degree and not being able to do community work, because it sometimes involves being confrontational and standing up to perceived authority.
Part of my recovery has been due to learning to love and accept myself as I am, not berating myself for the things I can’t do, but looking instead at what I can do. Now I recognise and celebrate my abilities, I recognise I can share my passion through writing, and if people agree with what I am saying that is great, but I people don’t I’ve got to a stage in my life where it doesn’t bother me half as much. People either like me or they don’t. They can take me or leave me. The only person’s approval I need is my own.

Friday, July 03, 2009

Still smiling :-)


Again I have been neglecting blogger, so I am going to sum the last month up very briefly. Its been a month of much fun rest and relaxation, albeit intermingled between lots of Stress. I am pleased and a little amazed, I have managed to stay smiling. Lets get the crap out of the way first and then focus on the positive.

I've had car nightmares. My car has been off the road for over two months: we try this, its not that, oh it might be this, and so it goes on! Having a friend help me sort my car situation has not paid off. Instead I have spent £600 on a stop gap dustbin on wheels that can't be driven any distance until some more work is done on it.

Both laptops are at the fixers, and I am not sure whether they are fixable at all, they are both over three years old. I won't even go in to the official post/paperwork/money stuff that's landed through my door Arghhhhhhhh

What has kept me smiling is:

The sun shining (hasn't the weather been amazing), getting out into the countryside, spending time with beautiful people, Calstock Green festival, Dancing, new friends, old friends, music, Mazey Day at Penzance, feeling blessed to have beautiful people in my life, and maybe the wisdom to ensure I do surround myself with positivity.

Feeling positive enough to apply for a full on proper job, and being able to get a hand written application together, which should be worthy of consideration, with no laptop, and no access to my CV.

I have lots of fun stuff to look forward to, and after a bit of escapism in the summer, I think I may have a bit a future (career wise) to look forward to.