Woke up yesterday morning, and started having lower abdominal pains, sickness and was hot and cold. I had stomach cramps, which only lasted for a few minutes, but were so painful they had me in tears. I stayed in bed all day and around 5oclock, Megs and Tams insisted I go to the doctors, so Tams took me down. Without an appointment, we had rung up just before we left, I was seen within 5 minutes, as there was nobody else waiting.
The doctor checked me out, and she was quite thorough. I was very tender all over the stomach area, so she ensured me I probably wasn’t pushing my coil out, which I had done about 15 years ago, and was wondering if it might be that. I also had a temperature, and it looked like it was a bug that she had seen in about 4 people that day. I was relieved, she gave me a prescription for some pain killers that would help the pain, and help with the diarrhoea I was most likely to experience next. Sorry to be so blunt.
I have just opened the pain killers, and it’s actually made me quite angry. I have been thinking today of how I’m going to write an opinion piece, for my features unit. I had thought I would write a piece about the waiting time to see a doctor. Today was definitely a break from the norm of waiting often up to an hour, to see the doctor. When you suffer from anxiety, waiting for the doctor is not a pleasant experience, the more I wait the worse I feel, and by the time I get in there, I’m tearful and appear to be a complete wreck.
Why am I angry? I’m angry, because of the excess demands on anyone trying to provide a service, and because communication is so slack, communication that could cost lives. I opened the packet of painkillers, Co-codamol, and I’ve been given 50 of them, the packet was bulging as it was so over packed. I fanned them out and looked at them, enough to end it all. The first thought that hit me was why give me so many? Stomach bugs normally only last a few days. Did she even look at my past history?
I am angry because I’ve really needed the help from the NHS and haven’t received it. I have needed support, but they haven’t given me the support I need. I had a CPN for about a year, and because of the way I am (I can be ok one day, and then the next I’m a mess) she saw me on a couple of better days and let me go. I’m angry because at 40 with three daughters, I asked about sterilisation and was told it was unlikely they would agree because of my mental health. Just because I get a bit depressed doesn’t mean I am not absolutely sure sterilisation is right for me. But apparently I can’t make my own decisions.
I’m angry because every time I crash a bit, by the time I get to see a counsellor (normally about 2 months later), I don’t need the support as much as I did when I asked for it. And I’m angry because I took a couple of Co-codamol, which has helped with the pain, but because of their constipating affect I can’t poo. My body feels like a good poo would really sort it out.
I don’t want sympathy, I just want support. Due to financial constraints, time constraints, and most probably too much unnecessary paperwork, the NHS is failing me and probably many others. I’m not about to take the entire packet of painkillers, but someone else given the opportunity could well do.
Having this rant has made me realise it may not be a good idea to do an opinion piece on the NHS, as it probably won’t be very objective.
Now I’ve added links and have friends popping over to see my postings, I have been worried about writing depressing posts, and wondered whether I should only post happy posts. However before I added the links I found writing things down really therapeutic. It gets it out of your head, and helps make you feel stronger. Having people reading my posts, has also made me focus on writing something positive in each post, which definitely helps. This is the positive bit. So I’m going to carry on being completely selfish, and honest about what’s going on for me.