As often happens when I get low I find something to help me through it. This time I’ve been drawn to music, and have started to do a new tape collection for the car. By managing to do the tapes it illustrates how I can do things, and shows how I’m not completely incapable.
I’ve also decided to get fit and lose some weight, as another thing getting me down is that I’ve put on almost a stone since starting the course. I am not going to go out and buy new clothes, as all my clothes are tight on me, I am going to lose the weight. When I was at University the last time, I went up to size16 from a 12 over the four years, and after leaving lost 3 ½ stone with calorie counting. For the past few days I have been calorie counting, and aim to keep it going. For some more tips I brought myself a health magazine, and looking through it I came across a few one line bits of news, and links, which I can find out more about and produce features about.
I haven’t been able to focus or concentrate on doing work for a few days, although I have managed to keep up the rest of the time. Now I feel like I can get back into it again. I know I’m not in a good way still, but I still think I can do this course. I know I need to take one day at a time, and not beat myself up if I can’t keep up one day.
I know this depressive interlude is not all to do with the break up with my boyfriend last week, as I was going down before that. However that incident kind of tipped me over the edge last week. I am not going to let a man knock me sideways. I am going to come back fighting.
Even though I do have periods of debilitating depression and feel weak and useless, I know am a strong person. Also I’ve been through periods of depression enough, to know I will come out of it.