The Hot bitch party

On Friday I went to a ‘hot bitch party’ at Exeter for a night of female fronted bands. The night out was brilliant, despite not many people turning up, (we reckoned about half of the audience were involved with the bands). Civilian were on first, www.myspace.com/civilianrox a gutsy guitar band with Joshi providing powerful female vocals. All I can say is what an amazing voice. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t pissed, or out of it in any other way, this was the sort of band you can’t help but dance to. The only disappointment was they weren’t on for long enough.

After they played we went back to the bar for a sit down and a chat, and missed the next band, but were back in time for Evi Vine. www.myspace.com/evivine We were in the mood for dancing, and this was chilled not dancey music, however it didn’t take long to appreciate the talent of this band. Evi’s haunting and beautiful melodic vocals soon drew in the audience, she sings with emotion you can’t help to identify with. I was so impressed I found her afterwards, and we were soon chatting away. As there weren’t many people there, it was quite an intimate gig and everyone was really friendly and welcoming.

It was then the turn of Obedient Bone www.myspace.com/obedientbone who were who I went up to see. I’d seen them at a couple of festivals last year, and brought their album which I play a lot in my car. Demelza the singer was at the door when I went in, but I didn’t recognise her as I’d only seen the band from the back of crowds, and she was looking amazing wearing a basque, stockings and suspenders (It was a hot bitch party and she wasn’t the only one dressed up). It was all in all a very colourful evening, and I didn’t feel out of place in my stripy tights.

Obedient bone successfully mixes funk, trip hop and rock to produce a very unique edgy sound. They are becoming one of the most popular underground acts to catch, at the festivals all over the summer. We danced our socks off, satisfying our need to boogie.

The last act was the Family Fleabag Circus from Brighton, and we were treated to fire eating, a trapeze act, and a lap dancer, who did really well to carry on while the music stopped for a minute. Another bunch of really friendly people, we watched them putting on gloves with extended fingers that they set alight, and then provide us with another colourful fire show outside after the gig. After they’d finished we got chatting to Lisa www.myspace.com/firealarmist (one of the family) while we were waiting for our taxi. I’m looking forward to catching up with them again at the festivals in the summer.

We got back relatively sober to my daughter’s room at the University and I really don’t know how she sleeps. There were noises all night, people coming in every half an hour or so, and the bed was really uncomfortable. In the moments of light sleep, I ended up having a dream about being in a lecture about fish, and sitting next to Robert De Niro.

It was a brilliant night and it didn’t end there, over the weekend I found Evi Vine on my space and added her as a friend, and then Civilian and Lisa (from Fleabag Family Circus) found my profile. It’s great to meet people, and then hook up on my space. I also hooked up with ‘Noize Makes Enemies’ www.myspace.com/noizemakesenemies (a music webzine, who are after writers) and ‘Festival eye’ www.myspace.com/festivaleye and all because of a night out.

I'm neglecting blogger

My space is taking up so much time. Because of the person I am I can’t just ignore people. I am finding I’m spending too much time answering messages and friend requests. I do not want hundreds of friends like most people, so I am only adding people I know or know of. After all I can still chat to people without them being my friends.

One of my bestest friends who lives 200 miles away, has set up a ‘my space’ so we can chat. It’s great for keeping in touch with people. Yesterday I was searching around, checking out bands I could see at the festivals I go to, and found ‘Gogol Bordello’ who sing a song ‘Start wearing purple’ so I put the tune up on my profile. If you read my last posting you’ll know why. I will definitely be checking them out this summer.

I haven’t had a dance for ages, and tonight I’m off to a ‘Hot bitch party’ at Exeter to see Obedient Bone and other female fronted bands with my friend Teresa. I have butterflies in my stomach which I often do when I’m going out. It should be a wicked night.

Anyway I must get on and beautify myself, it may take a while.

Pinks and Purple's

I like pinks and purples, although I have been branching out into greens and blues in these past few months. All these colours go well together. Anyway I got to thinking, my blog spot is pink, and my website is mostly pink, is this giving the wrong impression about myself?

In my own little idealistic world, publishers etc, would look at the content of my website, my writing samples etc. However, in real life, I think it’s unlikely they would read much, as they haven’t got the time, and need to make snap judgements. As much as I hate stereotyping, when making snap judgments, people utilise whatever they can to help with making decisions. I believe, stereotyping people is part of everyone’s socialisation, and feel it’s difficult to resist especially when having to make snap judgments.

So what does pink say about me to people making a snap judgment? Maybe it says I’m a bit of a girly girl, and possibly not that serious. I believe in the business world masculine values still prevail, and if an important document was produced in pink, it probably wouldn’t get the credibility it deserved. Feminine qualities such as caring, and being more in tune with emotions and feelings, are not qualities that get you far in the business world. Working for a ‘Connexions’ for many years, I’ve had enough of denying my femininity in order to get on, and work my way up the ladder.

Just because I’m a woman, and I like pink doesn’t mean I am not serious, and I’m not going to bow down to masculine values. Therefore I am keeping the pink. It may be to my cost, but I'd rather be accepted for who I am, than not be myself.

I'm addicted to My Space

I’m addicted to My Space. If you read my last blog you would have read about how my friend Ian’s songs were posted up on a ‘my space’ site http://www.myspace.com/btx7 I really wanted to send a message about the site, and couldn’t unless I had a ‘My Space’. So yesterday my brilliant daughter Megs, helped me set it all up. Since then I’ve had requests to be added as friends from a couple of people I don’t know, and they seem very interesting people, but for now while I’m getting used to it all, I’m only adding people I know as friends.

I’ve added Megs as my friend and have found my daughter Tamsin. So when she logs in she may add me as a friend. I wouldn’t worry if she didn’t add me, who wants their mum to see their personal stuff? However we talk about everything and are really close (see 'Take your Mama out all night' March posting). I’ve also found friends from the MA course, it’s all very exciting.

With Megs helping me set up everything, I also discovered how to add a tab, so you can have more web pages open. There’s so much I need to learn about making the most of computers. This means I can now listen to music, on the net, while writing this blog. I know many people have been doing this for ages, but for me this is shiny and new. When I went to school (back in the olden days) they didn’t have computers. I did typewriting RSA on a typewriter.

Megs was looking at, I think you call it HTML script, and deleting bits and adding in bits, she managed to get my blogs linked on my ‘My Space’ site. Its second nature to her, but to me it’s alien. I am learning loads and I will get to grips with it eventually. With Megs helping me I’ve also learned how to create a hyperlink, so people can click on addresses and get there.

Problem is now I’m addicted to ‘My Space’ it’s another excuse to procrastinate, and I need to get on with writing. Positives are I can get my name out there more, I have links to my blog ‘JaxWritersSpot’ on which I am doing a weekly article. I just need to make sure I don’t spend so much time on ‘My Space’ that I don’t work on articles. I feel a bit of research coming on for the next posting, which will most probably be about fatigue, possible causes, energy foods, etc.

From now on
You can join me at
Jax Writers Spot
Weekly
(every Wednesday)
For articles on:
Food
Health
Alternative therapies
People
Community
Reviews
and more
Click on the link to My other blog, Jax Writers Spot, for this weeks article on the documentary 'Power to the People'

But for now back to The Planet Ug

Despite yesterday being more of a challenge than other days I managed to start off my weekly slot on Jax Writer’s Spot, by posting the first article. I feel pleased about it today; I’ve woken up feeling fresher and ready to get writing. Yesterday nothing seemed to cheer me up. Even listening to some of Ian’s songs which have been posted on the net, didn’t cheer me up, instead they had me blubbering.

If you’ve been a regular reader of my blog you’ll know Ian is a talented/singer songwriter. He was signed to Warner Brothers with his band when he was younger. Anyway his old manager has posted 3 songs he wrote (2 of which he sings) onto a ‘my space’ site. The sad thing is, the site is about a band Ian has nothing to do with. It mentions that Ian sings ‘Survive and ‘Questioning’, but does not mention he wrote those 2 and ‘All I want is you’. There is only one song, ‘Being there’ which was written by the band, which the site is about. He is mentioned as writing one on a blog posting, but that’s about it. It seems like he’s getting ripped off a bit. Problem is I couldn’t leave a comment as I don’t have a ‘my space’ site. I think I’m going to set up a ‘my space’ site today.

Anyway to hear Ian’s songs, and to hear him sing check out:
http://www.myspace.com/btx7
I hope the link works. I created a hyperlink, while writing this on a word document. First time I’ve done it.

Comments gratefully received.

Well here comes that empty feeling.

Well here comes that empty feeling, but I’m fighting it. I’ve been waking up feeling panicky, which I didn’t do with the deadlines looming, and the silliest little things have started me blubbering. I’ve been feeling like this for a few days and I am determined to do something about it. I know I need routine and structure and the course provided that for me.

As a writer I need to be self motivated/disciplined, and today I’ve made a start on an article for Jax Writers Spot. I haven’t done brilliantly well with it, as my mood has affected my ability to concentrate, but I’m not beating myself up and I know the more I do the better I will feel. I have tomorrow booked out to finish it and post it, which is very achievable.

It’s funny though, as soon as I finish the course I seem to be really busy. I had the estate agents around today with clients to view the flat (my landlords are selling, with me still as a tenant). The housing benefit people are coming round tomorrow. I’m meeting up with a friend for lunch, and meeting up with some friends for a drink at five on Thursday, as well as driving my daughter Alice, to and from work. And on Friday I have to drop the car for its M.O.T and have my haircut.

It’s great to be able to have the freedom to catch up with friends on Thursday, as well as getting out at night time. I went out and saw a band on Saturday, as well as going out on Wednesday. Unfortunately free time, without having a purpose in life, doesn’t do me any good. The thoughts are telling me I’m never going to have the courage to achieve anything, I’m not going to be able to sell myself, so even if I can write I’ll never be one of the lucky ones to make a living out of it.

But I am fighting back, by challenging these thoughts, telling myself I’m just as able to earn a living out of writing, as many journalists/writers out there. I’ve been writing articles, stories, mini magazines, since I could write. I even wrote a play, which was put on as a show when I was in the Brownies. Before I started the course (while I was thinking about it) I watched an interview with an author who said:

“It takes courage and positivity to believe that what you may have to say will be of interest to people and then give up years to work on that.”

Unfortunately I didn’t get the authors name, but it doesn’t matter, because it was the message that was important. It may take years, but in the meantime I’m going to build up a portfolio, get my name out there, and the more I write the more I will have confidence in my abilities and be able to sell myself.

I’ve just taken a break and went for a walk, the sun was setting so it was perfect timing. I did have an ulterior motive; I decided to buy myself a bottle of wine. I have been inclined to do this more since finishing my course, most probably because of the empty feeling, but it has to stop as I can’t afford it. Although I walked up a main road out of town, there were fields either side of me, the sounds I could hear apart from cars passing by were sheep and cows, and the banks around the supermarket were filled with wild flowers. I thought I could just spend my days walking in the countryside, but then what would I have achieve.

On the way back I saw an old boyfriend pass by in his car. We went out when I was fifteen, and we shared our first experience of passion together. I remember we used to play about with each other in the lane outside my home. When I was raped in the same year, I remember having to tell the police about any previous sexual experiences, and this was the closest I had got. I remember my parents at the time coming across as very disappointed with me, but they didn’t say anything else about it, after all I had just been raped.

In fact nothing was ever said again. It was never mentioned, this was the way they thought was best to deal with what had happened. I’m forty one now; that was in the past, and it does not affect my future (although it did till a few years ago). Seeing him pass in the car made me smile, as I remembered the good times we’d shared. He’s a very gentle caring bloke, and I would like to think he found a wonderful woman to spend his time with; however I have seen him a few times over the past few years, and I think he’s still single, and struggling to keep the family business of farming going.

Good memories have cheered me up, and made me realise my life isn’t so useless. Enough said.

I should have gone back to Falmouth

At first yesterday was a bit of a rush. I drove to Falmouth to hand in my work, and then jumped back in the car to drive to St Austell for my friends birthday lunch. It was a lovely afternoon and I caught up a friend I used to work with, and hadn’t seen for about four years. I left about five and in hindsight I should have gone back to Falmouth. Megan was away for the night, straight from school, and I fancied a night out to celebrate the end of the course.

Everyone was going out in Falmouth after hand in, and I expect would have still been out into the evening. I would like to have celebrated with them. In the end I sat at home, and rang round a few friends here but nobody was going out. So I brought myself a bottle of wine and stayed in.

The upside of staying in was I caught Eastenders, and had a lovely warm feeling after a big glass of red wine. The downside is after a few more glasses, I went shopping on the internet, and brought more than I wanted just to get the free posting. I suppose if I had gone out I would have spent the same amount of money though.

I am going to miss going down to Falmouth and seeing everyone, and I definitely aim to get there for a night out at some point. I’m also going to have to be really disciplined to carry on with writing, as I won’t have the course to motivate me. One of the things I aim to do is to write a magazine type article every week to put on my Jax Writer’s Spot blog. I aim to build up my portfolio, so publications will take me seriously, by continuing writing for Vitality Matters and basically getting my writing out there. I also need to do research and/or some writing each week for my book.

But first I need to clear up, and that’s what I’m going to do now. What fun!

Ahead of myself

For the past couple of weeks I have knuckled down to writing for deadlines tomorrow. It was my birthday yesterday, and I wanted to get everything done for then so I could go out in the evening and celebrate, and I achieved it. At 2.00pm yesterday after printing, re reading, editing and printing again I printed up all the work to be handed in on Friday.

It’s funny thou as soon as I’d finished I began to feel anxious. I wanted to clear up the mound of mess which has built up over the days when I’ve done nothing but write, get out for some food, and then get ready for a night on the town. I seemed to have loads of nervous energy and couldn’t sit still or rest. I cleared up a bit, had a visit from my friend Vicky who’d brought me a lovely glass hanging for my birthday, and then a visit from Ian and Steve. I gave up with trying to achieve an immaculate flat, and when Megs got back from school we heading out for a meal.

I fancied a Jacket potato with mature cheddar, coleslaw and salad. It was lovely and the plate was filled to the brim. It’s always a bit of a gamble what standard of salad you get, and despite loving salad I’m always disappointed if the salad is just lettuce and tomatoes and cucumber. However this salad was piled high with red onions, peppers, carrots, and even some orange. It was very yummy.

We got back in plenty of time for me to have a bath, and use my touch of silver shampoo, which makes my silver hair extra shiny. My friend Dee turned up at about eight, and brought me a bag of presents, only little things she said, however they were a few pounds each at least. I got a posh purple mug, a fairy that sits of the edge of a shelf, a smelly candle and some ‘Dead sea Spa Magik’ magic hair serum which I treat my hair to every so often. I felt really spoilt. And then Teresa turned up and gave me a beautiful beaded candle holder lampshade.

It wasn’t particularly busy at the Open mic. Cyrus was standing in for Helen, who has just had a baby, and worked hard as there weren’t many people getting up and having a go. I would like to have heard more women’s vocals, but it didn’t matter as I was nattering to lots of people. Alice my daughter, and Mark her boyfriend turned up and John, a friend I hadn’t seen for ages, and it was a lovely evening.

I was worried, because as I had been feeling anxious I thought I might get drunk quickly, but I had a couple of gin and redbulls and I think that helped, as when I walked back, not only did I get back in 10 minutes, I managed not to squash one snail, which were all over the pavement. Only downside to that was I still felt wide awake at two o’clock.

Today’s been pretty ok too. I had a lie in and then went to search the charity shops in town. It’s my friend Rachel’s birthday tomorrow and we always get each other something from charity shops. I’m not going to say what I’ve got just in case, but Rach if you’re reading I can’t wait till tomorrow. Despite the rain, which didn’t stop, I had a fun afternoon looking around the shops, and meeting up with a couple of friend’s for a drink. It was a fun afternoon because I had done my work and could take my time instead of rushing in and out of town.

I know the high from getting all the work done is only temporary. I’ve not been doing any of the general organisation of life chores, such as my due MOT, and trying to get housing benefit as I have no money for June’s rent. And on top of that I still have to keep writing, and pitching my work. But for today and maybe tomorrow all that stuff can stay on hold.

It's been a long time since my last blog

Forgive me father for I have sinned, It’s been a long time since my last blog. I know I have nothing to be forgiven for, but isn’t it funny, although I haven’t been brought up under any strict religious denomination, I still feel a stronger sense of responsibility, than is healthy.

Since my last post, Ian hasn’t let me go, he has relentlessly pursued me, and I have stood my ground. The trouble is when he feels Steve needs some space, as I feel responsible for Ian, and I know he has nowhere else to stay, he ends up staying. As I said I’ve stood my ground and nothings happened, despite him trying and saying he’s not going to let me go easily.

However it may finally be sinking in, as on Wednesday night he said he may go back to London, it would be a lot easier for me if he did. Living as he does, crashing at other people’s houses all the time, it’s a lot easier for him to do that where he has a lot of friends.

Anyway it’s all tiring me out. I am feeling totally exhausted, and haven’t had a very productive week. I’ve been trying to write another article for the features unit, however have not got very far with it. With deadlines looming next week, I think I now need to abandon this and work on pieces for assessment.

Thursday night I had a night off, my brother and his girlfriend arrived in Cornwall for a few days, and I went down to meet them for a couple of drinks, which ended up with me being whisked off to Padstow, and eating the best pasta dish I had ever tasted at Rojanos. I hadn’t met Simon’s girlfriend before and we got on really well. I had never really clicked with any of his previous girlfriends, probably due to them being so different to Simon, however they are very alike. Previously Simon has been put off by girlfriends becoming too serious, however when Bridget went off for a minute, he said I think we’re going to be serious. I was really pleased for him. I had a great night, and caught the sun on my face, which has given me panda eyes due to wearing sunglasses.

It’s Saturday today and I’ve had a productive day, I’ve managed to finish off my feature and finish the page by page contents of my book. My brilliant daughter Megs was also able to get us back on the internet, which has just not been happening for a few days. Every time I had tried to get on the internet, it was connecting fine, but couldn’t find any web page’s. I looked to check if any of the wires had come loose, repaired, de-fragged and deleted all my cookies etc. So what did Megan do to get our internet working again? She turned the box on and off, and we’re connected.

It’s been a long writing day, and although my laptops very hot, I feel a bit of surfing coming on.