Monday, October 16, 2006

First Wobbles Monday 16th October

Hia all,
After the first week of proper lectures, I have really enjoyed it and have already learnt a fair bit, It was all going great until Thursday when I began to feel very overwhelmed, and found the tears coming easily, however I continued and was still able to continue, with the classes.
As Anxiety is my main problem, and as a year ago I couldn't even manage to sit in a group of people without wanting the floor to swallow me up, although I felt wobbly, this was positive for me. The tiredness has hit me hard this week, especially as I have gone straight into this, from taking a year off working.

I've spent the entire weekend, reading and writing, and enjoyed what I have done, but however still felt fairly low.

Last night I had a dream which illustrates my worries, it's very haphazard and I can't remember it all, however I would like to share this with you.

First thing I remember was being summoned to a training day, and as I was there discovered I was now part of the group, and the lecture theatre was my new place. After the lecture, I began to clear up sort out all the boxes, rubbish, etc that the previous occupant had left, and while doing that met up with another student, who was lookin phased. She had a headache and said a carrot would sort it out. Hang on I've got a carrot I thought, and then she mentioned she also needed a window. I had noticed a window lying on the lecture room floor in between all the seating. I went off and found the carrot. The rest of the dream, was about looking around for this girl, and wandering around lots of buildings places I didn't recognise, bumping into some people who seemed to have lost the plot, and others that appeared to be the authority and knew what they were doing. As the dream ended I became more aware that I had probably been sectioned, and was actually a resident in a mental health hospital.

It was quite a chaotic dream, a little bit scary, but recalling it did make me laugh.
Anyway enough blogging for today, I have an essay to finish. Luckily I'm sane enough to do it.

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