Saturday, June 16, 2007

Feeling more positive

I think I’m coming out of a fairly low month and feeling more positive. I’m still achieving the same as I have done over the month, as I’ve kept myself focused on writing, but I’m feeling more confident about maybe making a living out of writing at some point.

I did an article for Vitality Matters this week about a woman called Annie running Happiness workshops in Cornwall, and I was very anxious about what I’d written. I emailed a draft and asked for feedback, thinking it wasn’t right. I felt there was something I needed to change. I got an email back saying it was a good article, and it was nice to hand over a task to someone and get it done well. It was totally my self pity, and thoughts of not being good enough etc that made me feel it wasn’t right.

Looking at the article after the feedback I realised it was ok, it flowed from paragraph to paragraph, and presented a representative picture of what Annie and her workshops are about.

As much as I would like to think, I can tell myself not to worry and overcome external stresses; I think the fact that my housing benefit was finally sorted this week has also had a big effect on my mood. They’re not paying all of my rent. I still have to find a fair bit myself, but as it’s taken them three months to assess my claim, I’ve had it backdated. This means I can pay back my dad who paid last months rent for me, and pay off some of my overdraft. It also means I feel ok about buying a tent, so Megs and I can go to a couple of local festivals this summer, which are our holidays.

Today after keeping writing in the week, I felt I deserved time off, and I have had a really pleasant day. I popped into town and looked around a few charity shops. I went to visit my friend Em who I hadn’t seen for ages, and got a birthday pressie from her, which was back in May but she’d still held onto for me. I got back, had dinner and then went out for an early drink with friends and was back by nine o‘clock.

Tomorrow I’m off early to help with moving my daughter Tamsin out of halls at University. Monday I’m off to a local Mental health forum, which I hope will help with an article I am writing about the lack of Mental health Mother and baby units. Wednesday I am meeting up with a beautiful friend of mine who I haven’t seen since before I started my course (October 06). I’m not feeling panicked about the week ahead at all which is great news for me.

This positivity may not last. I still have people viewing my flat, as my landlords are selling up, and I have to get on the case of finding somewhere to live. The financial boost I’ve just received I know is going to be short-lived, and I still need to watch the pennies. However I hope this positivity does last, and I will do everything I can to make sure it does.

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