Ok, so I haven’t written for ages, give a girl a break. The professional writing course is brilliant, however there is a lot of work and you need to write all the time. The reason I haven’t written on my blog for a while is because I’ve been struggling.
I don’t know if the tiredness has caught up with me, and if it’s due to the travelling (70 miles 3 days a week), or because I haven’t worked for a year, or whether it’s because of my depression and anxiety, and not being able to cope with stress very well. I think it’s probably a bit of all these reasons.
I was getting worried about my mental health, and was thinking I would crash again. Concentration on anything (even watching the television), became difficult. I just wanted to lie in bed and my movements became slower. I haven’t been able to cope sitting in the classes without feeling overwhelmed, and the tears have been flowing easily.
I’ve been thinking, I can’t do this, I won’t be able to keep up, I’m not good enough to be a writer. I’ve been worrying more about everything, such as I won’t be able to afford to carry on. I may have to find somewhere else to live as my 18year old daughter, Alice, and her boyfriend have to leave their place; and there’s no room for them here. What if this happens when Tamsin (my 19 year old daughter), is sleeping on my front room floor, in her Christmas break from University. Ahhhh!
Anyway that’s the reason I haven’t written. I haven’t had the brain power or the energy to deal with anything other than the absolute minimum.
I’m coming out of it now. Yesterday I stayed in the class the whole day, and enjoyed it. It was the last day of term, and we all went for a meal afterwards. When I got back I had a couple of glasses of wine, and stayed up late writing, as the ideas flowed. So hopefully I’m back on track.