I felt bitterly disappointed last night. Can you guess why? G has been really ill this last week, which happens when he drinks too much over a few weeks. He could hardly move. He was so weak. He was up in the night every night with stomach pains. I had a really hectic (quite stressful) few days at work & on top of that I had to go out and do all the shopping & dog walks etc. He felt so bad he thought he may have to go to hospital. He actually said when he gets ill now it lasts longer & he wanted to completely stop drinking by Christmas. He has had to drink due to shakes but only had 4, & the first couple of days he did have a couple hallucinations, as despite not stopping altogether, he was still detoxing. For 4 days he got his intake down, & we kept discussing if he kept it at that then he could reduce further & eventually stop.
As I did the weekend shop yesterday I got him 4 cans a day but last night (as he was starting to feel better) he had 10 ciders. I was in bed about 1130. He came to bed about 430am. He was sleep talking, space invading in the bed & every time I was awake I was thinking how disappointing him drinking last night was. He has undone all the progress he made last week. He will get the shakes earlier today. He is likely to drink more than 4 again today & then going back to just 4 a day is going to be more & more difficult & very unlikely. He has sabotaged what he had achieved.
On my sober journey I listen to Podcasts while I walk our dog, and often hear discussions around people failing miserably when they try to moderate their alcohol, & the only answer for them was to stop completely. G can't stop completely. It needs to be done in hospital. Last time he had delusions and hallucinations,& ended up discharging himself & having a cider as soon as he left the hospital. I could not manage him detoxing if this is likely to happen again. It is bitterly disappointing he drank so much last night.
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