I'm back

Ok, so I haven’t written for ages, give a girl a break. The professional writing course is brilliant, however there is a lot of work and you need to write all the time. The reason I haven’t written on my blog for a while is because I’ve been struggling.
I don’t know if the tiredness has caught up with me, and if it’s due to the travelling (70 miles 3 days a week), or because I haven’t worked for a year, or whether it’s because of my depression and anxiety, and not being able to cope with stress very well. I think it’s probably a bit of all these reasons.
I was getting worried about my mental health, and was thinking I would crash again. Concentration on anything (even watching the television), became difficult. I just wanted to lie in bed and my movements became slower. I haven’t been able to cope sitting in the classes without feeling overwhelmed, and the tears have been flowing easily.
I’ve been thinking, I can’t do this, I won’t be able to keep up, I’m not good enough to be a writer. I’ve been worrying more about everything, such as I won’t be able to afford to carry on. I may have to find somewhere else to live as my 18year old daughter, Alice, and her boyfriend have to leave their place; and there’s no room for them here. What if this happens when Tamsin (my 19 year old daughter), is sleeping on my front room floor, in her Christmas break from University. Ahhhh!
Anyway that’s the reason I haven’t written. I haven’t had the brain power or the energy to deal with anything other than the absolute minimum.
I’m coming out of it now. Yesterday I stayed in the class the whole day, and enjoyed it. It was the last day of term, and we all went for a meal afterwards. When I got back I had a couple of glasses of wine, and stayed up late writing, as the ideas flowed. So hopefully I’m back on track.

Good writing night.

I had writers bloc again yesterday. So about 9.00 I decided to give up on it, and went out to visit friends for an hour. I had a houseful of teenagers, all doing a fitness video in the frontroom. Stampede of elephants spring to mind. So I escaped. My friend's doing an Art A level and we both discuss how we are doing, where we find inspiration etc. She had a meeting on Monday to show her work so far, so after a cuppa, she got out a picture she needed to reproduce, and started drawing. There was a few of us there, and as Em's always being creative this was natural. When I was doing my beady hangings, I would also carry on when friends visited.
With writing however it's not so easy to carry on and entertain. I finished my tea and got back about 10.30, almost time for bed, if It wasn't for the fact I was completely knackered earlier on, and had a nap. So thinking of Em, I got out the laptop, and started work on my piece.
We had to write a short piece of fiction, which experimented with time and/or order. I had spent all day staring at the laptop, trying to come up with ideas, and when I got back from Em's the ideas flowed. I finished writing at 2.00 in the morning, feeling satisfied with my piece. For probably the first time ever at one of my daughters sleepovers, they were asleep before me.
This morning, I had to cut down the words, I had written 1000 words and it was meant to be 500 to 700. So it was a tad too long. Although I was pleased with it, it's a bit like a mum being pleased with a child who is actually really badly behaved. So I emailed it to a friend for a second opinion. I got an answer phone message from her, being a sad case I may have to keep on the phone. She loved it, loved the narration, and felt the jump around of time worked well.
I also checked out www.bloc-online.com which is a website about writing, run by the postgraduate professional writing students. It's well worth a visit if your interested in writing. It's the first edition since it's been handed over to this years students, and I have a piece on there. It was a piece I wasn't too sure about. The subject was hope, and I wrote about my personal journey over the past few years. It's always difficult to expose yourself in that way, but I'm proud of the piece, and what everyone has achieved on the website
It's been a good day.
The photos are of my beady hangings I talked about earlier.

A good tip for getting to sleep

I did a most unusual thing wednesday night. I decided to make time to read a book (not that thats unusual). I do read a lot of books, but with the work involved on this course, I haven't had time to. I've kept up with newsapapers, read other people's stories, and read coursebooks, including Wuthering Heights. I have missed picking up a book to read last thing at night.
What was unusual about last night, was I picked up a new book at 7.00 and was asleep by 8.00. I slept right through till my alarm went off in the morning. It wasn't that it was a boring book, it was Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger, which I got into right away. I had read some of it in one of my classes, and as I had brought it in the summer, I knew it was the next book I would read. We were being introduced to characters, and you felt like you really got the essence of what they were about.
I was enjoying it, but I still fell asleep. I suppose tiredness catches up sometimes. Your body tells you when you need to shut down. Sometimes, reading a few chapters of a book does help me sleep, but normally I find they keep me awake. I can be really tired, get a book out, and it wakes me up. I get to the end of each chapter, then just have to read on to see what happens next. I am a very fussy reader, if a book doesn't grab me in that way I give up on it, after giving it few chapters chance. There are enough good books around not to have to read on if a book doesn't do it for you.
Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to read Catcher in the Rye, without falling asleep next time.

Keeping up with the work

This course is definitely a brilliant preparation for any writer, however I am finding it a struggle to keep up. Tomorrow we are starting to make our own website, which is very exciting, but also a bit scary as I am a technophobe. I have looked around at other writer's websites and can see their potential. I can display my portfolio, so that clients/employers can see my work.
I spent all Friday finishing an article for the December issue of Vitality matters, and then due to an advertiser coming in at the last minute, it's going to be in next months issue instead. I was a bit disappointed, but also pleased as I won't have to do one next month, as we will probably have a lot of work to do over the Christmas break.
I have also written a piece for bloc online, which is a website for writers maintained by the students on the course. It was up for the Guardian Student media award, and came second. So at last some of my writing will be out there for all to see.
I have also just written a short story, that I am pleased with. This is an indication of my improvement, as I am not really a story writer. I aim to concentrate on feature writing and non-fiction writing.
Anyway, I am making progress which is great. The adventure continues.

The adventure continues

I’m going to get my writing published!
Today I went to visit a local free magazine, which is about health and wellbeing. I took some of my writing and the editor liked it. They agreed I could do some writing for them, and I can do a work placement there. Only thing is, the first article needs to be in next week. I’m sure I can do it, and I have had some brilliant ideas already. I decided one article a month would be good to start with, so I can keep up with the course work.
One thing I’ve learnt over the past few years is to pace myself, and to know when I need to rest, as when I get tired, I get low. I did tell them about my mental health, and they actually offer training to people from an organisation called Pentreath Industries. Pentreath help people with mental health problems back to work. I have worked with this organisation before, and I really respect what they do.
The adventure continues.

Sims 2

What computers can do constantly amaze me. There were no computers when I was at school, I missed out by a couple of years. My teenage daughter however, grew up with them from primary school.

Last night, after returning from her dads, Megs brought back Sims2.
We uploaded it onto the lap top, and then tried to replicate our family. It was great fun, but so complicated. We built a house from scratch, with 4 bedrooms, which is a luxury as we've never had more than a 3 bedroomed place. A bedroom each, fantasy is good.

Despite the game being extremely clever, and there's no way I could ever produce any game as complex as Sims2. I did find a few flaws. After a few glasses of red, I was being assertive, and quite fussy.

The first flaw was that, in order to have completely grey hair, which I do, I had to be an elder. I am only 40, and found nothing inspired me, in the choice of clothes. I don't dress too young for my age I don't think, however I don't dress too grown up either. I ended up changing to an adult, and having brown hair, the colour of my hair, before the premature greying (which runs in the family).

The next flaw, came when establishing the relationship between the characters we created. My eldest daughter is 19, so we had put her down as a adult. As she was an adult, and I was an adult she couldn't be my daughter, so we had to change her to a teenager. At 40 I could have a daughter of 23, or even older, when I was at school one girl left to have a baby at 15. With the rise in teenage pregnancies, adults are quite often mums to adults. Maybe this is something the creators of Sims2 ought to take on board.

Brain Overload

I have actually managed to write one essay today, but I am now feeling brain dead. What can you do when you have writing to do, and can't think of anything to write? I suppose, this is part and parcel of being a writer. It's been a very busy week, and we've had a lot of theory to take in. I can see how a good understanding of the theory can help develop, and focus my writing, however today I feel my brains been overloaded, and it's taking a well earned sabbatical.

So while my brain's having a well earned rest, it's a good time to have a brainless waffle on my blog. At least that way I feel like I'm still achieving something.

Thats it, I think, for the day. I'm picking my daughter up from the train station, after a week with her dad, and instead of taking, writing with me while I wait. I'm opting for a gentle, light read. You never know I may find some inspiration.

Message for my brain:

I hope you have a lovely rest, but please come back refreshed and eager tomorrow. I need you!

Getting used to what blogging is about

Now I have looked around at other peoples blog's, I have decided to create another blog. I am going to use this one as a diary of writing, emotions, etc as previously planned. I have also created JaxWritersSpot, to write about different issues, maybe more like an online mini magazine. Please visit my other blog. It would be good to see you there.

First Wobbles Monday 16th October

Hia all,
After the first week of proper lectures, I have really enjoyed it and have already learnt a fair bit, It was all going great until Thursday when I began to feel very overwhelmed, and found the tears coming easily, however I continued and was still able to continue, with the classes.

As Anxiety is my main problem, and as a year ago I couldn't even manage to sit in a group of people without wanting the floor to swallow me up, although I felt wobbly, this was positive for me. The tiredness has hit me hard this week, especially as I have gone straight into this, from taking a year off working.

I've spent the entire weekend, reading and writing, and enjoyed what I have done, but however still felt fairly low.

Last night I had a dream which illustrates my worries, it's very haphazard and I can't remember it all, however I would like to share this with you.

First thing I remember was being summoned to a training day, and as I was there discovered I was now part of the group, and the lecture theatre was my new place. After the lecture, I began to clear up sort out all the boxes, rubbish, etc that the previous occupant had left, and while doing that met up with another student, who was lookin phased. She had a headache and said a carrot would sort it out. Hang on I've got a carrot I thought, and then she mentioned she also needed a window. I had noticed a window lying on the lecture room floor in between all the seating. I went off and found the carrot. The rest of the dream, was about looking around for this girl, and wandering around lots of buildings places I didn't recognise, bumping into some people who seemed to have lost the plot, and others that appeared to be the authority and knew what they were doing. As the dream ended I became more aware that I had probably been sectioned, and was actually a resident in a mental health hospital.

It was quite a chaotic dream, a little bit scary, but recalling it did make me laugh.
Anyway enough blogging for today, I have an essay to finish. Luckily I'm sane enough to do it.

Wednesday 11th October Ist posting

As a complete technophobe, I have no idea what I'm doing really, but am presuming that a blog is a kind of diary, so thats what I am going to use this for.

The Planet Ug is probably not a good name for an inspiring writers blog, and I would like to explain the reasons behind the name. 'Ug' was a word used and common to myself and my partner when we first met, generally used instead of 'I don't know' Are you alright' etc, really only we understood it's meaning. Even though we have now gone our own ways after 20 years, it still stays with me.

A few years ago, after getting a good job, doing too much, work, family, and partying, I lost touch with reality for a little while, and am still recovering. I needed an online support system,so therefore set myself up an anonymous email address which was the Planet Ug. I used Planet, because as I felt like I was on a different planet, and removed from the reality I couldn't deal with at the ime.

I do waffle a lot and hope you'll all enjoy my waffling. Introductions and explanations over I hope to use this blog as a professional diary of my growth as a writer, but to also report how I feel about the process, and how I deal with it emotionaly, Hopefully it may be of use to other people who may not feel confident in their abilities due to anxiety and worry.

Quote for the day:
" It takes courage and positivity to believe that what you may have to say will be of interest to other people and then give up years to work on that"
Quote from an author on the television, unfortunately did not note who,but have it on my wall to keep me going.

The Planet Ug

Hia all, I have just started on a full on writing course, and this is my first ever blog. I don't know quite what I'm doing but am sure it'll be fun. I suppose will use this to diary my progress.